Lisa’s Weekly Random Thought
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
As spring break approaches for college students everywhere, I started to think back to my miserable college days and my even more miserable spring breaks. For me, there were no wet T-shirt contests in Daytona or volunteering in the Appalachians helping those less fortunate. All I did was study and work...and I worked because I had spent my entire year's spending money by my second week away - NO LIE. So I got to pondering about ways to pay one's way through school.
There are many ways to pay your way through college, and they allsuck. You could become a resident assistant and rat on your dorm friends, which is great preparation if your aspirations are to become a slumlord. Plus you get free room and board to be an asshole. The drawback is, if you want to be an REAL asshole, you should have just
entered the police academy.
A step up from RA is TA or teacher's assistant. Basically, this means you're a professor's slave. As a TA, your worst-case scenario is you have a nervous breakdown. Your best-case scenario is you win a sexual harassment case against the university. I personally vote for option number 2.
Some students donate blood to get through college. This makes getting a buzz at Happy Hour easy, but it also makes you way too comfortable with sticking needles in your arm. Donating sperm sounds good on paper until your test tube spluge shows up 18 years later and ruins your dinner party.
Some girls who are whores anyway become strippers. I don’t advise this because it’s a career path with dead hooker as the end game.
The best way to pay your way through college is to do it the old-fashioned way: Beg every cent you can out of your proud parents and, if that doesn't work, sign up for a credit card and yell “CHARGE!” You may even get a free T-shirt out of the deal to boot.