Lisa’s Weekly Random Thought

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

We all watched happily this past Sunday as Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie both lost in their respective Oscar categories. There was no sweeter feeling than watching Hollywood's "Golden Couple" take it in the poopshoot at the Academy Awards as they sat holding hands, flaunting their love in front of me and Jennifer Aniston. That got me to wondering: "Why do I hate the two of them so much -- other than their looks, talent, and all-consuming affection for each other?" Then I remembered. It's that they're the poster children for celebrity adoption.

The new hip thing for the In Crowd is no longer cocaine or pilates -- it's collecting children. Celebrities are acting as if these children come from the Franklin Mint and not from the jungle. It must be fun to treat babies as collectibles. Hmmm . . . I wonder if you can trade two Africans for an Asian?

As usual, adopting kids is just another way for celebrities to show off. It’s not enough for them to send a check to Sally Struthers. No! They have to fly to Africa themselves for the photo op. And it's not like they’re raising the kid anyway. The kid's just another thing their maid or personal assistant has to do for them.

Celebrity adoption fits the selfish celebrity profile to a tee. These publicity hounds could afford to feed the refugee’s entire nation for a whole year, but instead they choose to spoil one lucky pygmy just to get on the cover of People.

There is one benefit to celebrity adoption, however. The stars' real kids love the idea. If they're lucky enough to get a kid from the Dark Continent, they have a bodyguard at school. If their new adopted sibling is plucked from a rice patty, they have someone to do their homework for them while they hit the clubs.

Hmmm . . . maybe this celebrity adoption thing isn't so stupid after all. Note to self: Look into adopting a 23-year-old warrior from Africa to live in my bush.


Blogger *************Andy************ said...

Hahahahaha,I always thought you'r just a funny comic. You are a good writer as well! Waiting eagerly for you new book.

February 26, 2009 at 3:32 AM 
Blogger James said...

Can't wait to read your book, or watch the roast of Larry the Cable Guy. You're fucking AWESOME, Lisa. If I was black, I'd turn straight for you. Well, maybe just Bisexual.

February 28, 2009 at 8:56 PM 
Blogger Meika said...

You forgot to mention the kid would have somebody to do their homework, AND make them chinese food when they get home drunk from the bar.

March 11, 2009 at 2:47 PM 
Blogger Linda said...

I read that when Madonna congratulated Sean Penn on his Oscar, he said to her "Another kid so soon?" (referring to her baby boyfriend Jesus). Looks like Madonna has broken up with Jesus, though.

March 20, 2009 at 8:25 AM 

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