Lisa's Weekly Random Thought
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Hey, crazy-ass Lisa fans,
Was just talking to my mom, Gloria, and she jokingly asked me if I was going to go to church this Sunday (I think she already knows the answer to THAT one.) So, this got me to thinking about one of the many reasons that Catholic masses suck: THE AWFUL, UNAVOIDABLE CHURCH CHOIR!
First, let’s get this straight: all choirs suck. Catholic ones just suck a little more because you have to listen to them in church. The Rolling Stones would sound like shit if you had to listen to them on a hard wooden seat with the left side of your body asleep from your toes to your taint. Choirs are bad because they make going to church take even longer.
There’s absolutely nothing appealing about a choir. The bitch who’s secretly fucking the priest gets to do a solo that lasts longer than David Lee Roth’s radio career. The men are fags and the women wear gowns to hide the fact that they weigh 350 pounds. To add insult to injury, they sing the same 20 songs they’ve been singing for the past 200 years. C’mon, Holier-Than-Thou A-holes! Mix it up a little. Throw in some Kelly Clarkson -- or at least a song from “Wicked” for the fag priest, would ya?
Simply put, choirs are just karaoke for pious pricks. “American Idol” has made some people think that being in a choir is a first step in show biz. Honey, don’t get it twisted – you ain’t gettin’ discovered in church. No Jew from William Morris is getting up on a Sunday morning and schlepping to St. Sebastian’s to watch your celestial showcase.