Lisa's Weekly Random Thought

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Hey, crazy-ass Lisa fans,

Was just talking to my mom, Gloria, and she jokingly asked me if I was going to go to church this Sunday (I think she already knows the answer to THAT one.) So, this got me to thinking about one of the many reasons that Catholic masses suck: THE AWFUL, UNAVOIDABLE CHURCH CHOIR!

First, let’s get this straight: all choirs suck. Catholic ones just suck a little more because you have to listen to them in church. The Rolling Stones would sound like shit if you had to listen to them on a hard wooden seat with the left side of your body asleep from your toes to your taint. Choirs are bad because they make going to church take even longer.
There’s absolutely nothing appealing about a choir. The bitch who’s secretly fucking the priest gets to do a solo that lasts longer than David Lee Roth’s radio career. The men are fags and the women wear gowns to hide the fact that they weigh 350 pounds. To add insult to injury, they sing the same 20 songs they’ve been singing for the past 200 years. C’mon, Holier-Than-Thou A-holes! Mix it up a little. Throw in some Kelly Clarkson -- or at least a song from “Wicked” for the fag priest, would ya?

Simply put, choirs are just karaoke for pious pricks. “American Idol” has made some people think that being in a choir is a first step in show biz. Honey, don’t get it twisted – you ain’t gettin’ discovered in church. No Jew from William Morris is getting up on a Sunday morning and schlepping to St. Sebastian’s to watch your celestial showcase.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow. I've always respected and enjoyed you and your comedy until this.

February 12, 2009 at 7:27 PM 
Blogger janizzle said...

"Wow. I've always respected and enjoyed you and your comedy until this." "N" is just pissed that her secret is out..shes the one thats been fucking the priest in the confession booth.

February 15, 2009 at 11:01 AM 
Blogger RhodeIslandRed said...

"N",how can you in the past have respected the totally fucking hot Queen of Mean with her fucking, filthy,(but oh so fabulous mouth) and now you're pissed that she mentions priests fucking choir women? Hello? At least they're fucking them and not the little boys for a change. Priests are just stupid, really! They got caught! The kike rabbi's are just smart enough to pay off the kids to keep their mouths shut.

February 16, 2009 at 1:43 PM 
Blogger James said...

RhodeIslandRed, I agree ... I think it's funny, but hey. Also, as a not-so-avid Church Goer, I take a lot of pleasure in the thought of a catholic priest bending a woman over in a confessional. Although, I take even more in the priest bending a man over ... But hey.

February 28, 2009 at 9:00 PM 
Blogger robert said...

I think Lisa's comedy is amazing. You have to accept her making fun of you or the type of person you are and just accept it. Seriously, I'm an avid church-goer and have gone through catholic school and now college. What she says holds some truth. Priests are rather odd and I find much humor in reading what she says. I must have laughed four times out loud while reading this! So calm down "N" and take the dirty stick out of your cunt.

March 9, 2009 at 9:33 PM 
Blogger Linda said...

I say "take back your Sundays" and spend them doing what you really want to do. Some folks like church social gatherings and even listening to the choir, but other folks drag themselves to church because of misguided beliefs. I won't be guilted into wasting my Sunday mornings anymore.

March 20, 2009 at 8:38 AM 

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