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Lisa's Weekly Random Thought

Wednesday, February 4, 2009


Hey, loyal readers,

Was just watching my DVRs of "Celebrity Rehab," and had to give you my thoughts on one of the creepiest things ever about rehab: room searches.

One of the most humiliating things about being sent to rehab would have to be the room searches. When you enter rehab, they search you harder than a dune coon flying Air Infidel from Baghdad to Washington DC. You are not allowed to bring anything with you to rehab and, let me tell you, you couldn’t smuggle a queaf into that place. The only people who stand a chance of sneaking anything in are the sex addicts because their vaginas stretch like expandable luggage.

The search is a way for people at rehab centers to control you. Of course, there’s the initial room search when you get there, but once you move in, they do random searches of your room – unannounced! I don’t know what they expect to find. Are they looking for the shank I’m making to stab the annoying therapist with, or are they looking for my vibrator?

I don’t even think they’re looking for drugs. And trust me, drugs would be the least humiliating thing they would find. What would you rather they discover -- a small residue of cocaine or the Polaroid of one of your psychologists and a pile of “soiled” tissues? You know that photo is gonna result in an even more awkward conversation than the time you told him how your uncle used to make you feel “icky.” I would rather them find me with a dirty needle than flip through my journal of bad poetry. After three bad metaphors on how peace is like a river, the orderlies would be sneaking me heroin just to make me stop.


5 Comments:

Blogger Marc said...

Lisa,
I'm watching your show, as I have many times before. I recognize the humor is making light of racial, religious, gender, sexual orientation, ethnic origin, handicap etc etc & enjoy your show.

One observation I have made though, is you feel entitled to use the most vile deraogatory words for every group (none of whom you are not a part) including Kyke, Spic, Gook, & Fag. But then when it comes to African Americans you simply call them backs every time. Why do you think it's ok to use all those other awful words but not Niger?
I'm not sure who should be offended ~ all the other groups because you use words for them but not for african american comunity? It's okay to insult everyone with vile words but blacks?
Or should the african american community be more uset because that's the one you single out as too uncomfortable to use vile words on?
Either way it's actually offensive to someone and you should change that if you have the balls to do so.

February 6, 2009 at 8:22 PM 
Blogger Marc said...

Pardon the many grammar spelling puncuation errors in that last comment. Reread and realized I should have previewed but my point is still a good one.

February 6, 2009 at 8:24 PM 
Blogger Ann said...

I can't speak for ALL the groups you mention, but I am fairly certain that Jew attacks are uncommon. Except in Palestine.

February 14, 2009 at 1:09 PM 
Blogger Sirfuller said...

Celebrity Rehab is like driving by a horrific accident on the highway and slowing down to get a peek. I just can't stop watching.

Now the show Sober House has brought it to another level. So addictive!

February 22, 2009 at 11:52 PM 
Blogger robert said...

To Marc - why can't you press the right keys on the keyboard -- you left out a p in upset. Is that offensive to the p or is it offensive to all the other letters? Dude, shut the fuck up. It's comedy, she's Liss, she can do whatever she wants. Supposedly "black" is offensive, too. The correct term is African American... So there you go. She's said nigger before. In her blazing sadles joke. Leave Lisa alone! -- Now I feel like that Chris Crocker fag on YouTube.

March 9, 2009 at 9:44 PM 

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