Lisa's Weekly Random Thought
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Hey, loyal readers,
Was just watching my DVRs of "Celebrity Rehab," and had to give you my thoughts on one of the creepiest things ever about rehab: room searches.
One of the most humiliating things about being sent to rehab would have to be the room searches. When you enter rehab, they search you harder than a dune coon flying Air Infidel from Baghdad to Washington DC. You are not allowed to bring anything with you to rehab and, let me tell you, you couldn’t smuggle a queaf into that place. The only people who stand a chance of sneaking anything in are the sex addicts because their vaginas stretch like expandable luggage.
The search is a way for people at rehab centers to control you. Of course, there’s the initial room search when you get there, but once you move in, they do random searches of your room – unannounced! I don’t know what they expect to find. Are they looking for the shank I’m making to stab the annoying therapist with, or are they looking for my vibrator?
I don’t even think they’re looking for drugs. And trust me, drugs would be the least humiliating thing they would find. What would you rather they discover -- a small residue of cocaine or the Polaroid of one of your psychologists and a pile of “soiled” tissues? You know that photo is gonna result in an even more awkward conversation than the time you told him how your uncle used to make you feel “icky.” I would rather them find me with a dirty needle than flip through my journal of bad poetry. After three bad metaphors on how peace is like a river, the orderlies would be sneaking me heroin just to make me stop.