Lisa's Weekly Random Thought
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Saw one too many knocked-up bitches on the Upper West Side of Manhattan today. Made me think about their situation, and am thrilled to share my thoughts on God's greatest revenge to pregnant beyotches -- morning sickness.
Morning sickness is a foreshadowing of motherhood because every morning you wake up as a mother you will be sick to your stomach. Morning sickness is nothing but the trumpet blowing chunks that your life is about to get shittier. Things are going well, you aren't getting your period, your boobs seem a little bigger, and then boom -- nausea and vomiting.
Pregnant women get morning sickness when they don't take care of their bodies. I don't understand women who wonder why they get morning sickness when their diet consists of eating pickles dipped in peanut butter and chocolate sauce. Some women don't know they're pregnant and think morning sickness is a hangover. Then they find out they're pregnant and the father is a loser, and then they have morning sickness for the rest of their lives.
Morning sickness is actually good for women. It helps them keep their weight down during pregnancy. Women who can't lose their baby weight wish they had morning sickness. It's a license to be anorexic. Eat for two and puke for you.
I like it when the father gets irritated that their woman has morning sickness as if she's delaying his travel plans. "Oh, sorry we're going to be five minutes late so I can have your freakin' baby. Like I'm really happy about this. I just ruined a pair of Jimmy Choos over the deal. The good news, though, is my feet are swelling up so bad, I wasn't going to be able to wear them much longer anyhow."