Lisa's Weekly Random Thought
Friday, January 30, 2009
With the Super Bowl quickly approaching, I, the Queen of Mean, have decided to share my views on men and sports. Enjoy!
ESPN is the greatest invention to hit men since pussy. This is because the only time men aren't thinking about pussy is when they're watching ESPN. ESPN is the opiate that lets a man forget his dreams never came true and that he married the wrong woman.
Women are always dismayed that men can watch the same sports highlights over and over again. Not me! Men can watch the same highlight 100 times in one day because it's still more enjoyable than listening to anything their wives have to say. Professional sports are men's soap operas and their love of Derek Jeter is just as important to them as Alexandra's fourth marriage to her stepfather on "Wasted Days of Your Pathetic Lives" is to their women.
Most men just watch sports, and some actually play them. But don't be fooled, ladies. Not all men who play sports are "Athletes." If your man plays softball, pool, or bowls, he's not an athlete -- he's an alcoholic. The two sports men love to play the most are golf and fishing because that means they're away from home for the whole day. White men love golf because there are rarely any black people there, and black men love it because there are so few of them, they're treated like whites.
If your man is a fisherman, be grateful. Not only will he be gone all day, he'll come home thinking you're pissed when you actually shopped, masturbated, and had a grand old time. The downside of being married to a fisherman is that if he's cheating you'll never know because when he comes home from either, he will smell like fish. However, if he fishes, you may get a boat out of the deal. But remember -- never ever go out on the boat with him alone. Every guy has seen "The Godfather" and if he wants to take you on Christmas Eve, run!